Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
