We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize