There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
