i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
