can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
