i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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