wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize