just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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