yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
