Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
