I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
