Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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