i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize