turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
