Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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