We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
My bed smells like the plague
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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