I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
