i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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