As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
