took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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