My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
