It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
This is classic penis vs brain.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize