I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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