You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
