I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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