So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
