I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
