I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
