Need sex. Gaining weight.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
two words: eviction party
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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