Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
