Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
