I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
