Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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