Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
