Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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