He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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