You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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