All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Don't tell me you're on acid again
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
