2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
handjob tips. give me some.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
