the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
