I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
