I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
operation have a gay friend backfired
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
