I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
