my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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