When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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