If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
