dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
