The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
