I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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