yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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