she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
