but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Couch. On fire.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
