Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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