Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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