listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
