her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
