New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
