But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Dear god my vagina.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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