Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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