the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
