My hand turned me down
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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