Do vagina's smell?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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