Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
try to milk me bitch
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
