Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I think my fart just growled at me.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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