yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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