I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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