I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
ttyl tear gas
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize