If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
