Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
