3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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