im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
