# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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