How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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