We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
we're chasing vodka with high fives
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
