Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
