I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
