i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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